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January 19th, 2008

New PC at home

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Unbelievable as it seems. the computer pros on Brambleton have nowinformed me that after 4 months they still have come no closer than the day I dropped the e-machine off to having it fixed - or i should say the mother board installed that should have been under warranty. I went out this weekend and got myself a HP mini -

November 26th, 2007

Is this shit over yet??

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I am so over this schools semester agenda and am wondering why i sweat the small shit....and that is an understatement.

November 23rd, 2007

It's been 4 months

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Like OMG, I cant even beleive that 4 months have flown by so fast - what have been doing includes everything from getting back into grad school to moving into different job positions at the company I work for. The job has let up as far as responsibility and it allows me to relax and stay caught up on my paperwork for the most part.......

Grad school is kinda taxing - i just get started and my home personal computer decides to bite the proverbial dust - the power supply, the motherboard, what else?? The thing that got me was I had just paid almost 300.00 to have the motherboard replaced which took almost 3 months - that repair last all of 2 months apparently.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I had to go buy a laptop fully knowing that there would be at least another two month wait to get my stupid home PC back and sure enough I am still waiting.

It's Thanksgiving break and i am still preparing the last of my class projects and reflection papers - I really hope that the subject area increases in interest for me because to a great degree this MSW shit is boring me. I am not sure there is anything that really peaks my interest and keeps me there indefinitely anymore - until they make a degree for high magickal arts that i can apply for.

With the holidays aproaching I doubt there will be much time for journalling here - but I will try to get all the time I can - to some extent this is therapeutic for me. Christmas is gonna be tight cause I is one broke nigga with no duckies to spare. The kids are so materialistic and it seems like there is no end to their wants I asked them what they were grateful for this morning when we woke to the Macy's Day Parade and half the shit they mentioned was STUFF. Yuck, I did that to them....now how do I undo it?

August 4th, 2007

Decided to go ahead and plan a vacation cause I know if I dont I will regret it.  I have booked a week in Newport News with the hopes that because it is so close to my cousins it will be more convenient to get together on the 12 and 13 to go to Busch Gardens and Water Country.  The boys are back from camp now and have really been having a busy summer although in the beginning it did not appear busy and they were saying how bored they were for a week or two.

This has been a productive week personally as i have completed and sent off all of the financial aid stuff to get started in school in a couple of weeks - the 20th is my first day. I am rather excited but a little anxious - I am planning to go to the orientation on the 18th and pick up my books for the classes I ma taking this semester - man, I havent been to school in about 10 years so I hope that by taking it slow I can ease myself back into it.  I already know what I want to spend my extra school money on - a laptop!

What I want to happen on vacation is alot of relaxing and some fun and stimulation. I would like to go into the beach between the 14th and the 17th just to hang out and walk the boardwalk - in addition i would like to go into Colonial Williamsburg to show the shop the market and look around.  I have invited my dad to go with us hoping that he will have some time to hang out with his brother for a week - he is so not used to having fun and hates to spend money - I can relate but I have to say that if money cannot be fun to spend then why continue to bust a hump making the shit - getting caught in the mundane and the necessities of life like it is a burden to even exist.  I dont think I will ever get like that - I knwo how to have fun within a budget - I'll get back with you on how closely I stick to that budget when I have returned from the beach.  

July 31st, 2007

Tired and it's only Tuesday

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It's only Tuesday and I am sooo tired.....boys are at camp this week - the middle of August 10-22 is when I have vacation planned - we will go to Busch afterall - I am not camping on the beach as we usually do however, I cant fathom being hot and sticky and enjoying it.  I will rent a room for 5 days and go to Busch with my cousins for two of them - and go to the beach for a couple days only - then return and relax at home while I prepare for my 1st year of graduate college at Radford starting on Aug 20th.  I am not going to worry about money - I am going to price shop the motels and go for it.

July 29th, 2007

The boys came home and brought their trucker fucker "sperm doning" father with them - meaning if he had the opportunity and it drew breath he would fuck it. I can say that b/c he spent about 10 years of his life doing that behind my back - cause I was too damn naiive to beleive he would do that to us.  I still hold resentment about that but I choose not to allow it to interfere with my life more than it already has - and, I kinda got even with him after we broke up by making him think that I was entertaining the thought of taking him back and then fucking around behind his back on someone I was seeing off and on at that time.  We made bonfires on Friday and Saturday night - we invited my mom and dad up for a cookout on Saturday night - and we prepared the boys for yet another week away from home at Camp Roanoke COPS Camp.  I have just dropped them off at Camp Roanoke and now have some time to relax, masturbate and piddle around in the yard if it cools off. 

My acceptance letter from Radford University came and I need to sign myself up in their edu.system of email so that I can figure out what day classes start.  I would like to say that I had no doubt about their acceptance of my application, but am not sure that would be true as I turned in a ethical argument paper (for school o social work grad program application) on why the govt should legalize marijuana.  Had me guessin they would either love it or hate it - just an old hippie that wants her MSW.

July 27th, 2007

Okay so it's Thursday night and the boys have finally returned from being on the road for 5 weeks.  They are unpacking and putting up things and making plans for tomorrows debut of the Simpson's Movie.  Simon's here - thinks he is bi.........hmmmmmm?????    Been showing him the website from Longfork.



Jim has already passed out after driving straight through from Niagra Falls.  He hit a car in the Kroger parking lot and left hit and run but ya really cant tell - just a little bit o white paint.

July 23rd, 2007

Control vs. Surrender

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Monday went okay short of me not getting the paperwork aspects of my job in better shape - as I would ave hoped I did reach out and touch some addicts in so much as I now have them questioning their level of committment to the overall surrendering process - there are lots of substances that are unable to be detected by standard urinalysis testing and like the old timers in AA used to tell me - perhaps you still have some research left to do if you are questioning your ability to control your use of anything that is mood altering.  Some may have interpreted by their coments that I was condoning the use of other hallucinogens that are yet undetectable, I however was simply trying to point out that it may take such experimentations to truly get to the point of surrender.  

Technology baffles me a little when it comes to navigating the outlook program, spreadsheets and transferring documents but it is humility that reminds me that I still have learning to do and my co-workers have much to offer if I allow them to help.  My DBT client is no longer on therapeautic vacation and has hence begun to make her presence known in her own way.  I am hoping to hear from my oldest DBT client tomorrow so that I may process her 5 pg journal letter that left me funky for a couple of days two weeks ago before her Aunt died and she had to leave out of town for the funeral.  Meanwhile, the youngest is tucked away safely in a mental health stabilization unit where she can receive psychiatric attention and pull herself together. 

July 22nd, 2007

Man, I have really felt drained lately, not motivated to get out and exercise - getting more and more depressed about my weight - since I quit smoking, I have put on 60lbs I didnt have to put on - I have recently thought about consulting professional help, taking speed and starting to smoke again.  Dont know which I prefer best, a big belly or tight lungs..thats just sick. 

I was going to finish the story of my camping trip to the "fag farm" and add some pictures today - I have pics to add and if I had to sum the trip up in 10 words or less, which I dont, I would say that I think gay men struggle with the same insecurities as most women - and I think that I really felt comfortable there.  Just a note: I had left one of my newest and favorite pentacle necklaces, with the colors of the chakras on each point of the star (coulda been a gay pentacle) and they mailed it back to me in a puffy envelope this week (thats how sweet they are).  A brother and sister plan the events and help run the place (I believe a gay couple own it) anyway - I just loved the brother and would entertain going again just to see Danny. 

Enough said for this moment - here are some pics I promised!!

 

July 17th, 2007

Weekend of the New Moon

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I have been utilizing the time without my children to do more adult things and activities - this weekend I went to a Gay Campground for "Trailer Trash Weekend" and then Monday night I went to a pool party after our bi-monthly drum circle.  So, to begin, since it has been at least 4 days since I have posted, I just wanted to mention that someone told me last night that I was not the same person they met 2 years ago - I took that as a compliment and attribute that to getting involved with people from pagan and alternative communities.

I remember when I lived in Roanoke after moving back from California with a gay roommate that I found gay females barely tolerable probably due to the fact that we lived a day to day existence under the influence of alcohol and the fact that she always tried to hit on me after I became inebriated.  The only contact I have ever had in the past with gay men is dancing on the dance floor of a local gay bar - and at times because I am in the field of social work, I have had several co-workers that have been gay men - note that I always envied their clothes and style.

One of my current co-workers basically persuaded me to join him and a gay friend to the Long Fork Campground this weekend and I am truly glad that I experienced it - in case of someone reading this there is a website www.longfork.com  that you can check out by clicking this link.  They have a beautiful campground and the amenities were very pleasant and well maintained.   To be continued with pics.......
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